Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
