Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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