no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
