And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
