I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
