What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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