Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm too high and old for this...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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