I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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