he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
