let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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