we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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