Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
false alarm. still invincible.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
