You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
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