your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
