Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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