Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
