I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
