and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
