we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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