the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
