I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
