just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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