Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
