Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
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