It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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