Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
