well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you never un-have a 4some
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
