you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
