we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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