If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
