your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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