Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dick very happy bro
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
