My nipple is on Facebook.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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