My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Life is so much better after having sex.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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