she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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