I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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