Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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