I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is it penis luge time yet?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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