Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
