she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
