I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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