Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
