Me. At least after what I've been through.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
