I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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