guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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