Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
