college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
