The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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