she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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