hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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