woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
