Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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