I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
